Sunday, December 9, 2007

The gun is never loaded

Ever wondered why the gun is never loaded? Have you thought about that one moment where the gun is pointed to the head. The next thing to happen is not for the gun to go off, but the pistol to be cocked. The (wo)man with the gun puts his thumb across the back of the revolver, and slowly cocks it. Ever wondered why?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day

So today is Valentine's Day, and I'm not going to wish you, now because I am a spoilsport or I don't have a Valentine, I couldn't care less especially with my finals round the corner, but because I think the whole concept sucks. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite a sucker for celebration, but I think the concept sucks. Here are a few reasons why.
1) You're supposed to give gifts, and these are the kind that no one would accept at any other time of the year ( chocolates as always are an exception, i'd take them anyday)
2) It's a bad excuse to make good money
3) It makes you look bad if you don't have a "valentine"
4) It makes it seem like this is the only day in the year when we can celebrate "love"

Call me weird but I don't think today is the day to tell your friends and sweethearts you love them, its everyday. Why can't you just go and tell them the same thing that you would today? because today is "the day"?

Instead of wishing people a "happy valentine's day" why don't you just tell them you love them. Your friends may not be around forever, and today is a "good" day to tell them you love them, you might as well do that. Thats precisely what I'm going to do.

Thank you for being who you are, thats just the way I like it.
I love you. I hope you don't think I'm weird. Even if you do, I still love you.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I don't actually believe I could be asked all this ... but

I don't actually believe I could be asked all this ... but
Next time you get asked an annoying Indian question, answer it like on, it's funny!

Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery
skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In
fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see,
once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Q. You're from India, aren't you? I have read so much about the
country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers,
the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
[note: This one we were actually asked in August '93 by a real
estate agent when house-hunting in Boston.]
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in
our house. But later, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors,
to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....

Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to
encourage ride-sharing schemes.

Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India, they employed Indians
as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the
British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their
servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born
speaking English.

A variation to the above is a compliment ---
"You speak very good English."
Response: Thanks. So do you.

Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me
go to school.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is
why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of
self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food.
That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is a lot of
hard work.

Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian
diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the
population of the country, the government is trying to encourage
everyone to eat human meat.

Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it
is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I
meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is
why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they
do that?
A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it
hard so that we can walk.

Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Q. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving day in India?
A. By roasting an American....